I must say, I had a pretty easy pregnancy. Even by the end, I wasn't dying to have Kian born. However, had I known he was going to be 9lb 10oz upon arrival, I'm sure I would have felt a greater sense of urgency to have him sooner. Unfortunately, post birth wasn't meant to be quite as smooth. I suppose it all balances out in the end. I'm trying to stay reasonable and just be grateful that Kian is a healthy, beautiful boy. Fortunately, my overwhelming amount of love for Kian helps a lot... and amazingly I seem to love him more day by day, perhaps even minute by minute.
Last night though, it all got the better of me; exhaustion probably had something to do with it. In addition, I was agitated with Rob, because every time I get a minute to myself he says, "Go to bed." I can't go to bed every time I get a chance, and it's ridiculous to expect me to be able to just put myself to sleep during the day that easily. Rob even said that I could become nocturnal "if I wanted." Why would I want that? Anyway, Kian's schedule for the day is roughly eat for an hour, play for an hour, and then sleep for an hour... am I really supposed to go pass out in that hour? It's not that easy, and I need a bit of time to myself... to check my e-mail, read a little, watch some tv in a bit of peace, go to the bathroom, etc. My mom noticed my aggravation at dinner last night and said, "she needs a life too." And it's true... I can't just feed Kian, play with him, and then sleep. I need more than that in life - call me selfish, I suppose. Anyway, after dinner, my mom came up to check on me, as I had gone up to take a nap. A lot of things were bothering and on top of it all, I was annoyed because Rob had just told me three times in a row to "go to bed." I felt like I'd given in to his sinister plans (hehe), even though I had wanted to go to sleep then anyhow. Anyway, as I explained why I was frustrated and upset - documenting the variety of pain I'm experiencing, going through the restrictions of diet and whatnot, the frustration of being stuck indoors and seeing life going on through friends' pictures on facebook (how quickly we *feel* forgotten), and feeling misunderstood in general. In the midst of my whining, my mom said the most brilliant thing... the one thing that somehow made me settle and just go to bed and get my much needed sleep: "Now you know why they say God must have been a man." How true.
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Mosca, don't feel alone, I am sure 99% of mothers feel that way. You are getting used to your new life, be patient, it will get easier. You are lucky to have your mom there, embrace every moment and cuddle with Kian a lot, once they become bouncy toddlers it is not so easy. The older Kian gets, the more "alone" time you'll get. Give me a call if you need to talk! Un beso y un abrazo grande! And go to bed! :P
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